Learning to Live Again
by Kathryn Adkins
Summary: Tara's sister comes to town... and befriends our favorite blonde vamp, unbeknownst to the Scoobies. What will Spike do when he finds out who she is? And that his chip no longer works? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_Well, there's a new face_, he thought. _Alive, too._ He watched as she knelt in front of two freshly dug graves. In one hand, she clutched a wad of kleenex. In the other, she had a death-grip on a pointy piece of wood of which he had no desire to make the acquaintance. Still, something was eerily familiar about her. His eyes darted between the two piles of freshly laid earth. One was much smaller than the other. He glanced up to read the headstones.

_Dennis Arthur Murphy, beloved husband._ The man was barely 30 when he died. The other stone read _Grace Anne Murphy, treasured daughter. _The child was only two. The name struck something deep within him and he struggled to reach into the recesses of his mind. _Grace Anne_ _Benson._ His youngest sister had been seven when she died. She was the last of his three sisters and the final blow to his mother's faltering health.

"Take care of her, Denny," the woman whispered. She stood and wiped the dirt from her hands and knees. Spike looked her over realising that she was wearing a military uniform. Dress blues. Her hair was tucked neatly under her cap. She turned and walked over to a small bench just a few feet from the graves and sat stiffly. He recognized her posture. She was keeping watch.

He walked out from the shadows and cautiously approached her, not sure why he was drawn to her. He could tell that she sensed his presence, but she said nothing. Not even when he sat beside her.

"Cemetery's not exactly a safe place for a lady at night, Pet," he told her.

She tightened her grip on the stake, but didn't move from her spot on the bench.

"As you can see, I'm not exactly a lady," she countered.

He couldn't help but crack a smile. She was a determined bint. Not an ounce of fear rolling off her. Just sheer will and determination.

"You just lose someone?" he asked.

"My husband. And my daughter."

Her eyes remained fixed on the two graves.

"All kind of nasties out here at night, Pet. You really shouldn't be here alone," he repeated.

"I'm not alone. _You're_ here."

_And you should be running_, he thought.

"That, I am," he agreed. "Uh, I'm William." He gave her his Christian name.

"William," she said with a small nod. She turned to him and offered her hand. "Katina."

If she noticed anything off about about him, she didn't let on even one bit. He released her hand and watched as her gaze returned to the two graves in front of her.

"Look like you're expecting someone," he said, looking around.

"Not if they know what's good for them," she replied. "The first few nights are the most crucial."

He knew exactly what she was doing. She was keeping watch. For vampires.

"Denny, I had him cremated. But I couldn't... she was just..." He watched her steel her resolve. "I just couldn't."

Most vampires had no desire to turn children, but that wasn't to say that it never happened. Dru had been one to take an interest in turning a few children in her time. Of course, Dru was clear off her bird and the things she did had never ceased to amaze him.

"Are you going to stay here all night, Pet?"

"Yes."

He looked over to her and made his decision.

"Then I will, too."


	2. Chapter 2

_Two months later..._

"Was this Mom's?" Tara asked as she pulled a sorcerer's ball from a velvet-lined box.

"It was," Kit smiled walking over to her sister. "I wasn't able to salvage much when I left, but I knew that if I didn't take everything I could, he would have destroyed everything."

Tara nodded. Kit was right. As soon as she'd left, their father had destroyed everything in the house. Tara ran off to Sunnydale as soon as she graduated high school. She understood exactly why Kit had left and why she had never told her where she was.

"You know, I wish we could have been closer growing up, Tara," Kit admitted. "I just couldn't risk him finding me. And then, when you left... I couldn't risk him finding you. That's why I never gave you an address or phone number for me. It's a large reason I decided to join the Marines. He couldn't get to me through them."

"I-I know, Kitty. I just... I wish I could have known Denny. And Gracie," she said softly. "Y-you made me feel like I knew them. Through your letters."

Kit smiled and embraced her sister. Dennis had wanted to steal Tara away millions of times, but Kit refused to risk the wrath of their father. She had watched for years as he slowly poisoned their mother. She'd gone from a strong, beautiful witch to a frail creature who barely remembered her own name. And when Kit had married Dennis right out of high school, he killed her just to teach both his daughters a lesson.

"We have a lot of lost time to make up for, Tara."

"I'm just so glad you decided to move to Sunnydale. I-I wish I could have told you that he was dead... you could have come back here sooner. Maybe things would have--"

Kit cut her off with a brisk shake of her head. "No. You know that's not true. It was just their time."

Tara looked nervously around the living room. Her sister's house was bright and sunny. She wasn't the type to fall into the darkness. And, for that, Tara was grateful.

"So, uh, when am I going to meet Willow?" Kit asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, uh... I wasn't sure..."

"Tara, are _you_ sure about Willow?"

"Wh-what?" she asked timidly. "Of course I'm sure about her."

"Then bring her by. Enough with the avoidy."

Tara smiled and plopped down on the sofa, bringing her finger up to her mouth to chew nervously on her nail.

"I love her, Kit."

"Then I will, too."

"So, uh... what about you? I mean, I know it's soon... but have you had the chance to make any friends?"

Kit thought to the many nights she sat vigil at the cemetery. William had been there the first night. And he returned every night after sitting with her until the sun began to rise. Then, he quickly disappeared. Some nights, they'd talk about Denny and Gracie. Or about the family he'd left behind long ago. She'd learned that he had a sister at one time and that her name was also Grace Anne. Some nights, they sat in a comfortable silence, just grateful for each other's company.

"Uh, not really," she lied. "Just, in passing here and there." She really didn't want to explain to Tara how she spent her nights in the graveyard ready to throw a ball of fire at the first vampire to cross her path. Of course, she knew that William was a vampire. She knew that the first night she met him. She'd felt it before she even touched his hand.

"Well, how about I bring Willow by? Um, maybe tomorrow sometime?"

"That would be wonderful," Kit smiled. "Sometime tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3

_Later that evening..._

"Don't think they're at risk anymore, Pet."

She smiled when she saw him sitting on what had become their park bench. He was stretched out with his hands clasped behind his head, his legs crossed at the ankle in front of him.

"No," she said, taking the seat beside him. "I don't suppose they are."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Kit's eyes darting between the two graves. The grass had grown in thick in front of the stones. She saw a small spray of white lillies laying in front of Grace's stone.

"You didn't have to do that," she whispered.

He looked at her, willing her to meet his eyes. How had she known?

"You, uh... you mentioned that white lillies were your sister's favorite flower," she told him.

She remembered. For some reason, that surprised him.

"You... you should have run the first night you met me," he admitted to her.

"And why would I run?"

"Because of what--"

"I know what you are," she said quickly, effectively cutting him off. She met his his eyes and his challenge. "But more important, I know _who_ you are. And that's why I haven't run."

He cocked his head to the side and continued to stare at her.

"Is that the military training? Or are you just fearless by nature?"

She grinned. She was truly amused by him.

"Maybe a little of both," she offered. "Either way, I'm grateful for you, William. You kept me strong." She locked her blue-green eyes on his and he saw something familiar in them that he just couldn't place. "You kept me alive, William."

_Early the following evening..._

"Oh, wow. I just love your place. It's so homey," smiled the nervous red-head.

Kit watched the little looks exchanged between Willow and her sister. Willow seemed to bring Tara out of her shell. That was definately of the good.

"So, you met at UC Sunnydale?" she asked, handing the girls Cokes.

"Yeah, at a Halloween party actually," Willow replied.

"So, what are you going to be when you grow up?" Kit found herself asking with a smirk. Tara had already told her a little bit about Willow's abilities as a witch.

"Oh, uh... well, I'm going to school for biochemistry."

"That would make sense," Kit smiled. "Could come in handy if the whole witchy thing doesn't work out."

Tara flashed a grin at Willow, letting her know that Kit was just teasing her. She really hadn't told Willow much about her family. She knew about their father. And Tara had touched briefly on her mother's death. But she never said a lot about Kit. She had debriefed her on the way over to Kit's house.

"So, uh, you should come to our Scooby meeting tonight, Kit," Willow invited. "We could use all the help we could get and I'm sure Giles would be happy to have another witch on hand."

Kit glanced up at the clock. She could probably squeeze in a quick hello on her way to meet William. It had become a ritual with them and it was one that she looked forward to each night. Some nights, he was there waiting for her. Others, he arrived late. But he always showed up.


	4. Chapter 4

_At the Magic Box..._

"Spike said that it was a regurgitating Frovalox demon."

Buffy continued to tell Giles about the demon they'd encountered a few nights before. She was telling him how she had to throw away her shirt because it smelled so bad after the fight when Willow walked in with Tara and Kit.

"H-hi, Mr. Giles. I hope you don't mind that I brought my sister, Katina, with me," Tara said, avoiding the Watcher's eyes.

"Katina," Giles smiled, offering his hand. "Rupert Giles. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Kit took his hand and pumped it once before releasing it. "Kit Murphy, nice to meet you, too."

"K-kit moved here a few months ago after..." Tara trailed off not wanting to upset her sister.

"It's okay, Tara," Kit soothed. "My husband and daughter were killed in a car crash. I wanted to be near family and Tara is all I have. So, we're all here."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Giles offered his condolence.

"Um, this is Xander and Anya," Tara continued the introductions. "And this is Buffy. Sh-she's the Slayer."

"Wow. Tara told me you were young," Kit told the girl in front of her. "You know, I think that the whole process of choosing a slayer is totally based on finding someone who can completely throw off the demon population." Buffy was grinning at Kit. "And if I were Big Bad, I would _so_ not think that you could hurt a fly. I love it!"

"Um, Kit's a witch, Buffy. Like me. And Tara. Well, way better than me and Tara," Willow gushed. "Uh, you _are_ better than me and Tara, right?"

Kit couldn't help but laugh a little. She really didn't do a lot with her witchcraft, but she had the inherent ability to do so. She liked Willow's exuberance. And it was nice to be around people again. Which made her glance at her watch. _William._

"So, what's the what on this Frodo demon?" Xander asked.

"Frovalox. I don't really know a lot about it. Spike knew what it was, but he really hasn't been around a lot lately which is really weird since he was almost stalking me for like ever," Buffy told him.

"Hmmm... and Dead Boy not being around is a bad thing... why?" Xander asked sarcastically.

"Spike is a vampire. He, uh... helps sometimes," Anya explained.

"Defanged," Xander grinned, apparently not a big fan of the impotent vamp.

"I mean, not that I'm not grateful he's found something else to occupy his time," Buffy continued. "Just makes me wonder what he's up to... probably something not of the good."


	5. Chapter 5

Spike watched as Kit walked out of the Magick Box and toward the cemetery. _What had she been doing at a meeting of the Scoobies_, he wondered. Deciding to play it dumb, he walked into the shop and leaned against the counter.

"Buffy tells us you fought a Frovalox demon the other night," Giles said to him. "Do you think there may be more?"

"Not likely to travel in packs, Rupe," Spike casually commented. "But I could make the rounds, stop by Willy's and ask about it."

Giles nodded his consent. "Yes, that would be very good."

_Yeah, you're welcome, _Spike thought as he threw the Watcher a snarky look.

"So, uh, who was the chit leaving the shop just now?" He tried not to sound too curious.

"Oh, that was my sister, Kit. She just moved here from Quantico a few months ago," Tara answered in that nervous way of hers.

She felt like Spike was fleying her with his eyes. That's why Katina had looked so familiar. It was the eyes. Just like Glinda's. She had that kind, quiet strength, too. Well, no need letting them all know that he knew her. They'd just go out of their way to poison her mind against him. And he really didn't want that at all. He rather enjoyed his evenings at her side. Made him feel like a man again, she did. And he wasn't ready to have that ripped away from him.

Tara continued to stare at him for a moment. He looked like something was on his mind, but she couldn't suss out what that was.

"D-do you know her?" she found herself asking.

"Me? No. How would I know your sister?" He was lying. He hoped the witch didn't figure it out.

"Uh, I was just... of course you wouldn't know her. New to town," Tara smiled. He definately knew her.

_Later at the cemetery..._

"You really need to start getting on with your life, Kitten," he said softly when he spotted her on their bench.

"Is that your not-so-subtle way of telling me you don't want to see me anymore?" she grinned cheekily.

She was joking. He knew that. But something in his chest caught when he thought about not seeing her anymore. He sat beside her, a little closer than usual. He needed to be close to her tonight. He watched her dishwater blonde hair rustle a bit in the evening breeze. He was staring. And he knew it. Why hadn't he seen the resemblance before? And why hadn't she ever mentioned Tara by name? Did she know? He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her air and then removed his hand quickly, as if he'd been burned. He'd invaded her personal space.

"Why with the jumpy tonight, William?" she asked, reaching for his hand. Her face was serious as she held his hand tightly in hers.

"No reason, Pet," he lied.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked, still holding his hand. It was smooth and cool and she rather liked the way it felt in hers.

"What's that?" His voice sounded strangled.

"I'm a witch." He knew that. "You don't look surprised."

"Knew there had to be some reason you weren't afraid of me," he admitted.

"And you think my being a witch has something to do with that?" She was searching his eyes for the truth. "William, I wouldn't be afraid of you even if I wasn't a witch."

He opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'thanks a lot for making me feel about as big as a Gachnar demon,' but she quickly amended herself.

"You're not like other vampires. Even I could sense that from the moment you approached me."

"You could tell I was chipped?" he asked, incredulously.

"Chipped? What's that?"

He told her about how the Initiative had effectively neutered him. She listened to his recount with great interest.

"Wow," she said breathlessly. "Makes you wonder who the real Big Bad is, doesn't it?"

They laughed easily together.

"I may be a militarty girl, but I'm not ignorant to the defects in our government. Pretty scary sometimes," she admitted. "But it wasn't the chip. It was the spark."

He wasn't sure he had heard her correctly. _Spark?_ As in a... soul?

"Hit me," she challenged him.

"I-I can't, Kitten. I told you. The chip will fire and it'll bean me worse than it will you."

"William," she stared into his blue eyes. "Hit. Me."

"I can't--"

She suddenly punched him in the leg as hard as she could.

"Ow, you crazy bint!" he yelped and automatically punched her back in her leg.

She was grinning. And there was no headache. She watched as his eyes widened even further.

"So it's true then! You _are_ part demon!" he let slip. _Oh shit._

"Wh-what?" she looked stunned.

"I mean, you must be part demon. The chip didn't fire," he covered deftly.

"Nope. Human as human can be," she informed him. "You didn't _want_ to hit me. It's the spark. How long have you been fighting the good fight?"

His head was spinning. His chip didn't work? How long? If he had a pulse, it would be racing. How long had he been sitting with her, able to hurt her?

"Awhile now. Haven't really been counting the days, Pet."

"Hmm."

_Hmm?_ What the Hell did that mean?

"You said that there was a spark. But how can I--"

"Not a soul, William," she explained. "Not exactly. But, in essence, it could be considered the same. Or, at the very least, the start of one."

"That's not possible. I'm a--"

"Yes. We've covered that ground quite thoroughly. Someone up there must really be rooting for you," she smiled. "And apparently they brought us together for a reason. I doubt that you would have found out about the spark on your own."

"How did you know it was there?"

"I told you. I just sensed it." She was still holding his hand. It felt natural and he never wanted to let go. And yet, he knew he had to do just that. He didn't trust himself. It was just too much.

"Tense much?"

He looked up at her and gave her an unconvincing smile.

"William, just sit back and relax. Let me tell you a story..."

He leaned back, finally removing his hand from hers. He streched his arm out across the back of the bench and she took it as an invitation to move closer to him. She fit nicely under his arm, her body leaning against his chest. He slowly dropped his arm to her shoulder to bring her even closer.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was born into a very strange family. Her mother was a witch. Her father... well, her father was just a collossal asshole. Happens to the nicest of people," she laughed ruefully. "She had a little sister who was smart and pretty with eyes as big and blue as the Aegean Sea. Her hair was the color of the sun. Unfortunately, her father, the asshole, hated women. He poisoned her mother very slowly, sucking the lifeforce from her until the beautiful witch crumbled and died. And it was all the little girl's fault."

He was stroking her arm gently. "How could it be her fault?" he whispered.

"Because she dared to defy the almighty father. She was selfish. She married her high school sweetheart and ran as far as she could. And she left her sweet little sister behind. She's felt incredibly guilty ever since."

"What happened, Kitten? Isn't little sis okay now?" he asked, knowing already that she was.

"She is. And I don't deserve her forgiveness, but she gave it anyway. I wrote to her over the years. I wrote every week. Sent her pictures of Gracie and Denny. Sent videos. But I couldn't let her know where I was. I was so scared that he'd punish her for being in contact with me. So, I made sure she couldn't find me," Katina told him. "I guess he died a few years ago. He, uh... he was driven away by her friends and somehow, my sister found the strength to vanquish him. Pretty incredible, huh?"

Very. He remembered meeting that bastard. He'd convinced Glinda that she was part-demon so that he could control her. Spike remembered the look on Tara's face when he punched her in the arm and immediately fell to his knees, head throbbing. She had stared down at him with a mixture of fear and gratitude. They'd always had a special relationship since. He was able to confide in Tara things he couldn't tell anyone else. And he felt that same kindredness with Katina. It made perfect sense now.

"Kitten," he began. He pulled away from her so that he could look into her eyes. "I need you to know something."

She looked up at him expectantly. His eyes shot over to the graves of her her husband and child. He didn't deserve her.

"I don't know what it was that drew me to you that night and every night after," he continued. "But I will never forget you. Ever. You're in my bones."

He dropped a kiss on her forehead and she closed her eyes. He was leaving. He didn't even have to say the words. She could feel him slipping away and she didn't know why.

"And you're in mine, William," was all she said.

When he left just before sunrise, she knew that he was walking away from her for the last time.


	6. Chapter 6

"Willow and I are going to the Bronze later," Tara told her sister. "Maybe you could come with? You know, get out and have a little fun."

Kit continued typing up the ad copy she was working on. She'd been procrastinating since Denny and Gracie died. It was time to get back into her voice-over business. She had understanding clients, but if she put them off much longer, they'd be forced to find a new agent.

"Uh, maybe. I have a few errands to run. Maybe after," she lied.

Tara watched from the couch as Kit pecked away at her laptop. She was sitting Indian-style on the floor. Something wasn't right. Tara could tell by the shadows under her eyes. She hadn't slept at all. She knew that Kit had become nocturnal in recent months, but she rested during the early morning hours. Now, she sat stifling yawns, still clad in her cornflower blue flannel pyjamas and fuzzy white slippers.

"No running today?" she asked.

Kit snapped her head up, confused.

"Don't you usually go running when you get up?" Tara asked again.

"Oh, yeah. Usually." But today didn't feel like the usual. She had the feeling that she'd be greeting an empty park bench that night. She'd tossed and turned most of the morning, unable to get William's face out of her mind. She could feel it. She could feel that he was gone. "I,uh, just really needed to catch up on some work. No big." She smiled weakly at Tara.

"Well, maybe going out tonight will be good for you," Tara hoped. "Buffy's coming, too. And Xander and Anya. It'll be fun. There's a band playing, Nerf Herder. They're pretty good. D-do you like to dance?"

"Yeah, dancing's good."

Tara could tell that her sister was incredibly distracted. And it wasn't just the clients she was trying to please. Something was missing. And she had a feeling she knew what it was.

"Kit... if there was something wrong... you'd tell me, right?"

"Huh?" Kit looked up and caught Tara's eyes. It was like looking into her own eyes. "Um, I just have a lot on my mind. I've blown off a lot of my duties since..." her voice trailed off, but the tears just wouldn't come. They never did. Sometimes she hated herself for how stoic she'd become. "I'll go. Just leave me the address. I'll be there tonight."

_Later that night..._

He wasn't there. She knew he wouldn't be there and he wasn't. She didn't see the back of his platinum head as she approached the bench. Her first instinct was to just leave, but she found herself drawn to the bench. She looked down at the seat and found a spray of white roses lain on top of an envelope. Her name was written neatly on the front. She picked up the flowers and inhaled deeply. The sweetness assaulted her senses and she glanced up at Gracie's grave. More lillies. She opened the envelope with shaky hands. He was gone. She didn't need to read the note to know that.

_Katina,_

_I didn't want to leave you, but I couldn't take the chance that I would hurt you, Kitten. It's time for you to start living in the light again. You've spent too many nights hidden in the dark. I meant what I said last night. I will never forget you. You're in my bones._

_Yours eternally, _

_William_

She stared at the paper until the words became one big inky blur. And then it all hit her. Denny, Gracie... now William. The tears came upon her so quickly that she couldn't stop them.

_...at the Bronze_

"I'm so glad that Kit's coming out tonight," Willow smiled as she pulled Tara to her, kissing her cheek.

"Me too," Tara said absently.

"Something wrong?" Buffy asked, noticing how Tara's normally bright-eyes had grayed.

"I don't know," she admitted. "She was acting kind of strange earlier."

"Strange as in 'something stole my soul' or just the average, run-of-the-mill out of sorts kind of strange?" Xander asked. Couldn't be too careful on the Hellmouth.

"Out of sorts," Tara told them. "I just hope she comes out tonight. I think she could use a little fun."

"Hey, isn't that her?" Anya asked, motioning toward the front of the Bronze.

Tara's eyes lit back up. _She came_. Willow waved and called out her name and Kit smiled.

"We were beginning to wonder if you got lost," Willow joked.

"Nope. Not lost. Just had a few things to take care of on the way," she said with forced brightness. She could still feel the envelope crinkling in the back pocket of her jeans. She'd left the roses on Denny's grave.

"D-do you want something to drink?" Tara asked.

"Um, I'm okay. Maybe later," she smiled.

Something was definately wrong.

"Uh, hey... Will... could you get me a soda? I need to go to the ladies'," Tara lied. She didn't need to go to the bathroom, but it was the only excuse she could think of to get Kit alone. Willow looked into her girlfriend's eyes and nodded, knowing what Tara was doing.

"Sure," she said, running her hand through Tara's hair and then turning to Kit. "Let me get you something to drink," she offered, sensing that Kit would probably need it by the time she returned.

"Thanks. White wine spritzer." Not at all what Willow expected. Of course, Tara and Kit were always surprising her.

"White wine spritzer it is, then."

Tara whispered something to her sister and then they excused themselves from the table. Kit allowed herself to be dragged across the club and into the ladies' room.

"Tell me what's going on, Kitty. Don't lie," Tara insisted.

Kit shook her head and after a nervous moment, pulled the envelope from her back pocket and handed it to Tara. She watched her sister scan the short note and then hand it back to her.

"Spike," was all she said.

Kit furrowed her brow. Who was Spike?

"William," she corrected.

Tara nodded. Yes, William. William the Bloody. Slayer of Slayers. Spike.

"Is this why you insisted on going to the cemetery alone every night?" she asked.

"Yeah," Kit answered in a near-whisper.

"H-how long?" Tara wanted to know.

"Since the first night... he's sat with me every night since they were buried," she admitted. "Why did you call him Spike?"

"Because that's his name. Kit..." She didn't know how to tell her sister just what he was. "You remember us telling you that he's a vampire?"

"I knew that from the night I met him, Tara. I'm not stupid, you know." She suddenly felt defensive of her association with him. Tara reached for her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I wasn't implying that you were. And I- I know that he's different. Did he tell you about his chip?" she asked.

"He told me. But it doesn't work, Tara. I told him that last night. He didn't know."

That explained a lot about the letter. And the brief visit from him earlier, Tara thought.

"Did you tell him that he had a spark, Kitty?" she asked, revealing that she knew more than she'd originally let on.

Kit went wide-eyed.

"I'll take that as a yes," her sister nodded. "He came by earlier. He said that he was leaving. And I wasn't sure why he was telling me. He must have pieced it together, you know, you and me."

"What did he say?" Kit was hopeful, but had the feeling that she wasn't going to like what she was told.

"All he told me was that he needed to leave. He kept saying something about _'can't hurt the girl'_ and _'spark won't work_.' He's kind of cryptic at times," Tara explained.

That, he was. Kit imagined that she had been fairly cryptic with him as well. He knew her inside and out. But neither of them ever talked about their lives in the present. She'd known what he was from day one. And she admired how he never made excuses for the unlife he'd led. He was the kind of guy who lived in the moment and that was exactly what Kit had needed.

"He was talking about you, Kit. I thought," she paused, not knowing how much, if anything, Kit knew about Spike's past with Buffy. "I thought he was talking about Buffy."

Kit searched her memory for something he had told her once. Something about a girl and how he'd tried to love her, but she wouldn't see him as anything more than a soulless thing. It was one of the times she had taken his hand in comfort and reassured him that he wasn't a thing. That he was different. Special. She had no idea he'd been talking about Buffy.

"But he was talking about you. He said that he can't take the chance and hurt another person he loves. He loves _you_, Kit. He left because he was scared that without the chip, he'd hurt you."

Tara's face was full of awe. Spike never ceased to amaze her. He was a walking, talking, unliving contradiction of himself.

"So, now what?" Kit asked, trying to hold back those stupid tears she'd let fall for him earlier.

One thing Tara knew was that Spike was fiercely loyal. And if he loved Kit as much as she suspected, he'd be back.

"Just give him time, Kitty. He'll be back."


	7. Chapter 7

Four months passed when Katina gave up waiting. Her stops at the cemetery had grown more and more brief. And then she just gave up and visited in daylight hours, usually during her run. He wasn't coming back.

She'd become more involved with the Scoobies. Tara was right. Willow had the potential to become a very powerful witch.

"Just remember," she warned Willow during a routine patrol. "You're like Peter Parker right now. You've got this great gift, but in order to finely attune your spider-senses, you have to realize that with great power comes great responsibility."

Willow smiled broadly. Her respect and admiration of Kit had grown every day since Tara had first introduced them.

She watched as Kit continued to twirl the stake in her hand. And she noticed the way she slowed whenever they passed the bench not too far from her family's graves. She thought of how unfair it was that the two people Kit had loved most had been taken away from her. She just didn't understand a thing about how the Powers worked. It didn't make a lick of sense.

Tara noticed Kit staring longingly at the bench and realized that it wasn't Denny and Gracie that her sister was remembering. It was Spike.

"He always comes back," she whispered, slipping an arm around her sister's shoulders. "Always."

Willow looked between them wondering what secret the sisters were sharing.

"Who always comes back?"

The blondes snapped their heads up and looked at the red-head. She'd heard them.

"If you need to find someone, we could do a Lassie Come Home," Willow offered, referring to a locator spell.

Kit shook her head and glanced up at Willow. May as well tell her, she thought, surprised that Tara hadn't.

"It wouldn't work," she told her pupil.

"I know I'm not great at spells and all, but I'm pretty good at a simple loc--"

"He isn't alive, Will," Kit interrupted. "He's..." She shook off the urge to cry. She'd done a lot of that since William left her. "You wouldn't understand."

Willow tried not to be hurt by the comment. Of course she'd understand. Had Dennis come to her as a ghost? What wouldn't she understand.

"I'll tell you about it when we get home, Will," Tara offered, hoping that would satisfy her for now.

_Later..._

Katina pulled the throw-rug up from her living room floor exposing the hard wood. She pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a circle, just as she had every night since he left. In the center, she placed the letter he had written, her only link to him.

"Goddess Persephone, Mother Hecate, Achlys, Daughters of the Night... Tara, Goddess of Protection... walk with William. Encloak him in your eternal shield. Hebe, Goddess of Forgiveness, forgive him and allow him to forgive himself. I beseech thee, through the order of Osiris."

She lit three candles and placed three white roses on top of the envelope. She whispered something in Latin and then blew out each candle finishing her incantation with the words _I am but your humble servant._

_At the house on Revello Drive..._

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Willow asked, eyes wide and mouth dropped in shock.

"It wasn't mine to tell you, Baby. It was Kit's. And she knew how everyone felt about him. B-but... I think she loves him."

Willow couldn't have concealed her surprise if she'd tried. Spike had been gone for six months. Buffy had come back from patrol muttering something about no-good, stupid vampire and then went on to tell them that he'd removed everything from his crypt. He was gone again, probably to find Dru. Not that she'd even have him in his chipped state.

"How? How could the chip... how?"

"I don't know," Tara admitted. "Kit didn't know either. She just knew that it didn't work. She said that she sensed a spark in him. And that she had a very strong feeling that it was what had kept him from hurting humans."

"But he left. Why? Did he _want_ to hurt humans again?" Willow asked.

"No, Baby. No." He hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. Most of all, Kit. "He loves her, Will. He would never hurt her. But I think she scared him when she told him that it was his own free-will that had been keeping him from hurting anyone. I don't think he trusted himself."

"How can you be so sure that he'll come back?" Willow asked, feeling guilty that she really didn't want him to come back. What if he came back all Big Bad? She didn't want to be the one to tell Tara that Buffy had to stake him.

"B-because," Tara took a deep breath. "Because I know him. I g-got to know him. After we vanquished my father. Spike would stop by and check on me. And I think that's what drew him and Kit together. I think they sensed something in each other. They sensed me, somehow. But I don't think either of them knew what it was until it was too late."

Willow couldn't believe what she was hearing. Spike and Tara had been close? Why hadn't she known? _What could she tell him that she couldn't tell me_, she wondered.

Tara told her that she felt bad for Spike. At first, at least. Nobody wanted to understand him. And she knew how that felt. And then, they'd forged a friendship. He never expected anything from her. But from time to time, he'd do something nice. Leave a rose on the doorstep. Buffy had assumed that it was for her, but Spike told her that he'd been leaving them for her, not the Slayer. He'd found a magick book that he thought she'd like. Willow was beginning to look jealous until Tara assured her that it wasn't like that.

"It's like he is with Dawnie," she assured her girlfriend. "A brotherly love. H-he's just grateful to have someone who doesn't judge him. I think that's why he fell in love with Kitty."

Willow tried to understand. It was just pretty much impossible to grasp this side of Spike that she'd never seen for herself. Or had she? She thought back to some of the more pleasant times that he was around. Like when Buffy had died. He continued to fight by their side and protect Dawn with his very unlife. He never asked for anything in return. And, sadly, they hadn't given anything either. Not even a smile or thanks in his direction.

A soft knock on the front door had Tara on her feet and snapped Willow out of her reverie.

"Spike!" she heard Tara gasp. "Oh my Goddess! Get in here."

"Shouldn't be inviting in the Big Bad, Pet," he grinned. He'd missed Tara. And he'd missed her sister even more.

"Big Bad my... Spike, just come in," she demanded. She narrowed her eyes on him, trying to suss out whether or not the spark was still there. And it was. It glowed even brighter than she remembered.

He reached over and pinched her arm causing her to yelp.

"Dammit, Spike." Glinda was swearing. That brought a smirk to the snarky vamp's lips. "What was that for?"

"No bells and whistles going off, Pet," he told her, still refusing to cross the threshhold.

"Yeah, I can see that. Nothing I didn't already know." He looked surprised. "But the spark's even stronger. So quit loitering about our porch and come in."

He smiled and accepted her invitation. He saw Red sitting on the couch staring at him through wide eyes. Guess they both knew. He cautiously took a seat in the chair next to the couch.

"You're a dope," Tara accused.

"What?!"

"You're. A. Dope."

He stared at her for a moment wondering where she'd found her nerve.

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked her incredulously.

"You left her. She loves you and you left her. You're a dope," Tara repeated.

"Aw, bloody hell. I had to be sure I couldn't hurt her, Glinda. Couldn't have you casting some spell on me that had me turning to dust for hurting big sis, yeah?"

Tara crossed her arms and stared at him.

"How is she?" he asked, his voice softer and more concerned.

"You mean you haven't even gone to her yet?" Willow asked, starting to understand just how important the relationship had become between the vampire and the Maclay girls.

"I went to the park. Left some lillies with Gracie. I waited all last night. She never showed," he sighed. "She's given up on me."

"You really are a dope," Tara frowned. "She stopped going at night. After several months of disappointment, she just started going during the day. You know, you're not too bright for someone as old as you claim you are," she added.

No, he supposed he wasn't.

"Before you go to her, we need to have a good, long talk," she told him. "You need to know exactly what your leaving has done to her."


	8. Chapter 8

Willow sat quietly as she watched the interaction between her lover and the vampire. It became quite apparent that they had spent a lot of time together, but it was just as Tara had said. He treated her the same way that he treated Dawn. He had a very protective demeanor towards her.

"Very well, then, Pet. What is it that we need to discuss?" he asked, leaning his elbows on his knees.

Tara told him to stay put and took off up the stairs to her and Willow's bedroom. When she returned, she was holding a thick album.

"Come here," she instructed, patting the spot on the couch next to her so that she was seated between him and Willow. She opened the book to the first page. It was a picture of two little girls and a beautiful woman with Aegean blue eyes and pale blonde hair.

"That's me and Kitty when we were little. And the last time we remember our mother smiling," she said softly. Spike looked at the three witches, all sun and sea and full of hope. "I was three. Kitty was nine."

She pointed to another picture. High school graduation. It was a picture of a very young Katina with waist-length hair peeking out of her dark green mortarboard. She was hugging a dark-haired man with sparkling coal eyes.

"That's Denny and Kit on graduation day," Tara sighed. "I never even met him. She was too scared to even bring him anywhere near our home. But she was with him all through high school. She married him the next day."

The next picture was one of Denny in a dark suit. Katina wore an ivory lace dress. It was far from a wedding dress, but it was beautiful nonetheless. It hit just above her knee with a boned bodice held up by spaghetti straps. She had a small spray of baby's breath in her hair which was twisted into a loose chignon with wispy tendrils framing her face. She held a small bouquet of white lillies and roses which Spike's eyes came to rest on.

"The flowers... those are the same kind that I left for her and Gracie before I..." He couldn't finish.

There was no engagement ring. Just simple gold bands on their fingers and happy smiles on their youthful faces. Under the picture was a hand-written announcement that read _Dennis Arthur Murphy and Katina Elise Maclay, joined on this day. Bound by love, blessed by God._

She flipped past a few random pictures of Denny. He had thick, black hair, mischievous eyes and that stunning toothpaste commercial smile. Then there were a few of them in their dress blues. Katina had bobbed her hair to chin-length but looked just as striking as she had when it was long.

The next set of pictures were of Gracie. There were several pictures of her, bright blonde hair and jet eyes. Her features were delicate like Katina's. Underneath one was a hand-made announcement:

_Dennis and Katina Murphy are proud to announce the birth of their daughter, Grace Anne, 7 pounds 3 ounces. _Tara told him that Gracie had been named for Denny's mother, Grace, who had died shortly after he was born and for their mother, Anne. Spike stared at the beautiful child.

The last picture was taken of the three of them, Kit, Denny and Gracie, just a few days before they accident. He was on leave from the Marines and Kit had decided to stay on only as a reservist after Gracie was born. They had just moved to Colorado.

Tara looked up when she heard Willow sniffle next to her.

"It's so unfair," she said shakily. "Look at them. They were so in love. They were happy. Why would anyone take that away from them?"

Spike knew what she meant. Why, indeed. Having gotten to know Katina was a blessing. She didn't blame anyone for that senseless act of faith that had stolen her world from her. She was strong and resilient. She was fierce and kind. She was the definition of grace under pressure.

"Beautiful, they were," he agreed, his voice breaking. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Love."

Tara closed the book and set it on the coffee table.

"Katina's beauty comes from her heart. She has our mother's ability to give and forgive," Tara told him. "She loved Denny so much. She's so amazing. Instead of putting away that great capability to love, she decided to risk it all again. For you. Don't hurt her, Spike. I know it's an incredible paradox for the Powers to give you a chance at love and love with a human, at that... but it's also a gift. And you should treasure it."

Glinda was wise beyond her years, Spike realized in that moment. He could see the realization cross Red's face as well. All that quiet strength. They were the calm before the storm. They were the oasis hidden in miles of desert. In that moment, he and Willow saw something in each other that neither had ever recognized before -- humanity and heart.

Tara stood up and walked to the door, leaving the witch and the vampire sitting alone on the couch. She grabbed her coat and turned back to them.

"I think there's someone who needs to see you," Tara smiled. "Come on, William. We'll take you to Katina."


	9. Chapter 9

_I'm gonna smile my best smile  
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style  
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see  
That learning to live again is killing me. _

_--Garth Brooks_

* * *

Katina's front porch was brightly lit when Tara arrived with Spike and Willow in tow. At least she wouldn't be waking Kit. Spike stood to the side as Tara rapped softly on the front door. If Kit was in the middle of a spell or had dozed off on the couch as she was prone to do, Tara didn't want to startle her. The door cracked open just a bit revealing Kit in a cream-colored camisole and matching cream-colored flannel capris with a smattering of blue cornflowers. She was barefoot and had her hair pulled into a knot secured by a pencil. She was wearing a pair of tortoise-framed reading glasses.

"Hey," she smiled when she saw her sister. Spike stayed back in the shadows with Willow. Tara had wanted to ease into telling Kit that Spike was back. "I was just getting ready to do a spell. Want to come in?"

Tara looked through the front door and saw the familiar chalk circle holding the envelope and white roses. She was still performing her nightly protection spells for him. That was good. She hadn't completely given up on him.

"Have you been out to the cemetery today?" she asked cautiously, sensing that she hadn't.

"No, I'm a total slacker. I got up around 3, went running, hit the Espresso Pump on the way home, took a shower and then put my PJ's back on," she admitted. "Oh yeah, I ate a pint of Chunky Monkey. Highlight of my day. Come on in. Quit standing out there dancing from one foot to another."

"Uh, Kitty... I kind of have something to tell you--"

She saw Kit's brow furrow as she looked out to the walkway. She knew that look. Kit felt him.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

Kit continued to scan her yard and then opened the door wide and stepped out onto the porch to come face to face with Spike. Tara saw Kit's eyes dance back to life as she drank him in.

"William," she whispered. She looked up into his blue eyes and saw the spark shine even brighter than it had the last time she saw him. She reached out a trembling hand to stroke his cheek. "Oh my Goddess, William!" She flew into his arms and buried her head in his chest. "I didn't know if you were ever coming back," she whispered so quietly that only he could hear her.

Willow went to Tara's side and reached for her hand. She couldn't help but smile at the unlikely pair. It was as if the whole universe had come to a screeching halt and nobody existed except for Kit and Spike. He was mumbling apologies as the tears began misting his eyes. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed her.

"I'm so sorry, Kitten. So sorry," he told her. "I had to be sure I couldn't hurt you."

"All you had to do is ask," she grinned, just happy that he had come back. "Every night I prayed that you were safe and that you'd come back."

Tara and Willow had started making their way down the walkway to the sidewalk.

"You don't know how much it means--" Kit was cut off as Tara shook her head. "Or maybe you do."

"I'll call you tomorrow, Kitty. _Late_ tomorrow," Tara grinned before leading Willow back toward Revello Drive.

"Are you going to invite-"

She pulled him through the doorway and laced her hands around the back of his neck. She stood on her tip-toes and then placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Come in."

_The End_


End file.
